How Does Clinic Do It? Part Two

Another theme that came up repeatedly when participants were asked about the essence of the program, was the fact that at least some of the staff were "real" people, just like them, and that Clinic was a place to meet and learn from people who had life stories similar to their own.

Here are some of the responses:


Kara Cooper (past participant, Americorps Advocate):

You have to have somebody who’s been there. And from a couple of different places, I think it’s important. Because I don’t even want to look across the table, and say, if I’m having parenting issues, and say “Well um, do you have kids?” and for them to look at me and say “No” - but be telling me what to do with my child. Or umm lets see, oh domestic violence. That one’s huge. If you’ve never ever had a domestic violence situation, how can you look at someone and tell them, “I know how you feel. I’m sorry that happened.” And um, it’s important to have real people. Not just some college silver spoon type person going, you know, “This is the way it’s going to be because I read it in a book”.


Mary Murphy (past participant, service advocate, program aide and Program Director):

You were there with people that had dealt this, no matter how wonderful people are that have never experienced something, even some of the folks that helped in the beginning. It’s having people there that actually went through what you’ve been through. And it’s just uh saves your life.

Tonya Fitzgerald (Program Coordinator):

But my selling point is, it’s the best place really to learn about yourself and to get support form other people and find people like you. People that are gong to have some of the same experiences you are. Some wisdom to that, and what they’ve done differently. And then that you’ll find somebody, you can always find somebody there, where you’ve been in that position and you can offer some feedback or advice to them. Very difficult, ‘cause it’s an experience that happens, an experience that’s kind of hard to describe. Yeah.


Kara Cooper (Past Participant, AmeriCorps Advocate):

You have to have somebody who’s been there. And from a couple of different places, I think it’s important. Because I don’t even want to look across the table, and say, if I’m having parenting issues, and say “Well um, do you have kids?” and for them to look at me and say “No” - but be telling me what to do with my child. Or umm lets see, oh domestic violence. That one’s huge. If you’ve never ever had a domestic violence situation, how can you look at someone and tell them, “I know how you feel. I’m sorry that happened.” And um, it’s important to have real people. Not just some college silver spoon type person going, you know, “This is the way it’s going to be because I read it in a book”.


Katie Hankins with Charity McSperitt (Program Coordinators):

Uh both the times I was in a relationship when I was working there, and, just sort of working out the difficulties in my own personal life and then going and trying to present, “This is how you make healthy choices, and blah, blah, blah.” You know, and just being a total wreck in my own personal life for whatever reason. And, uh, that was really hard. I didn’t have enough emotional energy for my relationship, and I didn’t have enough emotional energy for my job. But I do appreciate the fact that I could come to work and be a total wreck, you know. And, role model that for the women.

[laughter]

CM: “Here’s Katie. Here’s Katie as a wreck.”

KH: And I still come to work everyday and still do what needs to be done. Yeah, but, you know, I appreciate that. And, I can’t imagine any other place that, that uh going through just those really intense times in my life, uh would have been allowed. But, I also think, too, you know, and understood and supported, but I also think, too, that if I were at a different job, that I wouldn’t be bringing those things in, is because we do, I mean, those are the things that we were talking about. And, it’s really hard to separate that out.

AW: And, it’s actually not even necessary to sort it out, or to separate it out, because the women were empowered by seeing you struggle with your stuff. … “Katie’s having trouble, too, I’m not so stupid after all.” You know, that, you know, the very first director of Confidence Clinic, I was told by somebody, came to, to uh clinic with bruises from her relationship, and wouldn’t leave him!

KH: So, I think, there’s that sort of integrity that was always really just kind of comforting and safe and, and you know, I couldn’t go. Like, when I was with Jenny, I couldn’t…it was really hard for me to leave that at the door. You know what I mean, especially when we were talking about those issues in the classroom. You know what I mean, and I felt it was much better to serve for them, and for me, to be honest about the relationship that I was in at the time. And, look, “Oh, you know somebody that’s in a relationship with a woman. And, I’m not all, you know, like coming on to you.” You know what I mean.

It was an opportunity for them, for women to learn, an opportunity for me to be okay about myself, and, to really challenge my own internal homophobia, and all of that. So, I just really appreciate that kind of integrity that that place has, and I think that it’s very challenging to divide your personal life out from that, because you have to be who you are and be honest about that. At least, I felt that way.

AW: Well, they, they, the women are really shrewd. And when you’re faking it, they know it. If you’re not, if you’re not genuine with them, they don’t buy it. …So, so, Katie, what I’ve always thought you did so wonderfully, was you fell apart beautifully.

KH: Thank you.

CM: You do that well.

KH: Thanks, Charity.

CM: You’re welcome, Katie.

AW: You would fall apart and be totally honest, and totally there, and, and they could see that it was possible for somebody to be in a wreck, and be falling apart, and still function. And that, and that, you didn’t give up. You role modeled not giving up. You know, you were a mess, but you kept struggling to find a way to make it right. You know, if one thing didn’t work, you’d try something else. And, they saw you doing it.

KH: Yeah.

AW: Without you even, sometimes you’d share what was going on, sometimes you wouldn’t, but they could see that you were having a hard time and that you were not giving up. And, they all have hard times and none of them gave up, because that’s why they’re at the clinic. And, so they could see, “Oh, she’s like us. And, look at what she’s doing. I could do that too.”

Marcy Shields (Past participant, Americorps Advocate and Volunteer):

And the amazing people, the amazing people that have similar stories. So I think we discovered we’re not alone. Uh, we’ve all had, we all have a story. We all have had issues, and being able to work on them together. And the amazing staff. I mean, you can teach people the skills that we teach them here, but the staff have to be able to help you believe it. Anybody can read a textbook. Anybody can read a paper. But that’s sort of this level. You have to have somebody here to call you on your stuff, say, “Hey, did you think about it this way?” Or, “How’s that working for you?” You know, to make you be real. Uh, yeah.

AW: So what was it like for you, Marcy, to do this transition? I mean, you had this experience at the Confidence Clinic as a participant. You had a group you were part of. You had friends in that group. You had that circle, that, that group of amazing women like yourself who were doing amazing things. And then you stayed on. And it was a different group, with different people. And you, instead of being part of the circle, were sort of on the edge of the circle as a staff person.

MS: I’m still part of the circle.

AW: But part of it, yes, definitely part of it, but part of it with a different uh, a different, in a different way. Uh, at first, on the phones out front, and, and just connecting with people sort of as they pass through, and, occasionally being in on a go round. And then being involved more in teaching them, and then as an advocate, being in the classroom a lot, and, and teaching some stuff, self-advocacy, and things like that. Didn’t you teach a class on self-advocacy?

MS: I did. I did. I did.

AW: And so you became more integrated in, in as a teacher. But each stage it was a whole readjustment to how you related to the group, or what your, what your role in the group was.

MS: You’ve said this. You’ve said this to me before. You’ve asked me about my transition part of it. You said I transition easily. And uh I don’t know really what you mean.

Uh, as each new opportunity, or each new avenue was open to me, I just stepped in, uh with an open heart, and an open mind, and with the idea that I was never going to leave here. I just did whatever it was that I now was going to do. The key piece for me, has always to remain, has always been to remain humble, to remember how I felt that first day, uh and how these women in this session, in that session, in the next session - how they must feel. Uh, to never use, never let there be a power difference. I’m never up here and they’re down here. We’re always right here. [gestures with hands] Uh, so, I think keeping those pieces in mind, I just continue to move forward, and never think of myself as better, or never think that there’s nothing more to learn... And that’s really, but that’s truly how I feel. I am not the teacher. We are all the teachers, the participants, including the staff, because I learned as much from them as I hope that they learned from me. And that’s my goal. So I guess that’s how I transitioned through it.